Hi Everyone:
Sorry I haven't posted. Jim's swelling has gone down. It has got to be the Methadone. Despite doctors not thinking it is, Jim's online research supports that it is. That and when he took himself off of one of the pills...the swelling went down.
He's still wearing TEDs, but his face and abdomen isn't puffy anymore. But now he's in more pain because he had to go down a pill.
He's been taking some great vitamin B supplements that are supposed to help, but they aren't. The neurontin is supposed to help, but it isn't. I guess the good Lord has a lot more work to do to keep us going at this;.
I just SHUT OFF the end of Marley and Me. 5 years later and I am still crying for my Sara Ruby. It's pathetic. I don't think I can ever get another dog. As I was bawling my eyes out, I told Jim, "I guess that's why the Lord didn't take you home. If I cry like this for Ruby, imagine how I would cry for you." The dingdong said, "I don't think you could cry as much for me. I would have hit him, but he's in enough pain. ;)
Well, we are going to go up our cottage this weekend for Labor Day. I hope we don't freeze.
It's time to close the pool. I hate doing that.
Oh. I had to call the police on our neighbor. It was horrible. I will write about that tomorrow or so. It's late and I'm tired. Busy day.
Oh, and Maddy, Amy, Kristen and Rachel, I responded to your responses under your comments. Go to the last blog and read them there.
God Bless you
US
Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Swollen Legs
Today Jim's malady is SWOLLEN FEET AND LEGS.
When he went up in Methadone a few weeks ago because of pain, we noticed a bit more of water gain in his feet. We mentioned it to the docs, but they just kind of hmmm hawed that one away. We go to the doctors with a list of problems, and they only kind of quasi deal with one or two issues, and the other get brushed aside. I understand why, but...this is my DH, and well, we drive 4.5 hours, to give us an ear, people. But anyway, Jim found out through research that Methadone can cause some very bad edema. So, he's lowering the dose...which means less edema, but more pain.
Dear Lord, please make it end. I really can't bear it anymore.....
I really could not do justice to describing how odd, different, sad life is right now. My house, hair, nails, friendships, communication, nerves, money situation, hope, desires, dreams, goals, outlook, etc. etc. are the pits.
I know the Hebrews hope stuff and all the churchianity, fluff and truth in regards to our situation, about who God is, and who we are in Him, and eternal rewards (well, that's a bit confusing) and eternity, and how this life is a vapor, etc., but I hear of someone's trip to the ocean, or ...wow, their ability to concentrate enough to read a good book or the ability to go to a movie (not that I'm missing anything there) and well, to be quite honest, I sometimes think I'm feeling self pity, but that's not it. I think on camping trips, dinner dates, vacations, having the money to finish the many projects on the house, bike riding, taking a walk with the your husband, seeing my son regularly, laughing with friends, or even having more than one friend who calls me (they're all gone these days) anymore, musicals, daytrips to Erie, etc., and well, I feel very very sad and lonely. What is that? besides pathetic. And why am I talking to myself here. What the same 3 people reading? It's all so very pathetic.
When he went up in Methadone a few weeks ago because of pain, we noticed a bit more of water gain in his feet. We mentioned it to the docs, but they just kind of hmmm hawed that one away. We go to the doctors with a list of problems, and they only kind of quasi deal with one or two issues, and the other get brushed aside. I understand why, but...this is my DH, and well, we drive 4.5 hours, to give us an ear, people. But anyway, Jim found out through research that Methadone can cause some very bad edema. So, he's lowering the dose...which means less edema, but more pain.
Dear Lord, please make it end. I really can't bear it anymore.....
I really could not do justice to describing how odd, different, sad life is right now. My house, hair, nails, friendships, communication, nerves, money situation, hope, desires, dreams, goals, outlook, etc. etc. are the pits.
I know the Hebrews hope stuff and all the churchianity, fluff and truth in regards to our situation, about who God is, and who we are in Him, and eternal rewards (well, that's a bit confusing) and eternity, and how this life is a vapor, etc., but I hear of someone's trip to the ocean, or ...wow, their ability to concentrate enough to read a good book or the ability to go to a movie (not that I'm missing anything there) and well, to be quite honest, I sometimes think I'm feeling self pity, but that's not it. I think on camping trips, dinner dates, vacations, having the money to finish the many projects on the house, bike riding, taking a walk with the your husband, seeing my son regularly, laughing with friends, or even having more than one friend who calls me (they're all gone these days) anymore, musicals, daytrips to Erie, etc., and well, I feel very very sad and lonely. What is that? besides pathetic. And why am I talking to myself here. What the same 3 people reading? It's all so very pathetic.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
helping our helpers
Hi Folks:
I thought I would post this here because one never knows who someone knows.
My sister and brother-in-law, Kim and Mark's car has gone bad and cannot be repaired. Many of you know their history, which means there is not a lot of money, but we are looking for a GOOD RELIABLE car that will last a few years. They don't know many people, so I figured this hear blog will get the word out. And the Baldauffs love cars, so you might even have one for sale. This will also help us also because Kim continues to take care of my dad and drive back and forth to Butler to take care of him.
IF YOU KNOW OF ANYBODY who has a good reliable car, please call us.
Thanks
Jim's doing good. Keep praying for a miracle for his neuropathy.
I thought I would post this here because one never knows who someone knows.
My sister and brother-in-law, Kim and Mark's car has gone bad and cannot be repaired. Many of you know their history, which means there is not a lot of money, but we are looking for a GOOD RELIABLE car that will last a few years. They don't know many people, so I figured this hear blog will get the word out. And the Baldauffs love cars, so you might even have one for sale. This will also help us also because Kim continues to take care of my dad and drive back and forth to Butler to take care of him.
IF YOU KNOW OF ANYBODY who has a good reliable car, please call us.
Thanks
Jim's doing good. Keep praying for a miracle for his neuropathy.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Still Cancer Free
Hi Everyone:
We're home, and we're still cancer free, praise God. And Jim's spirits are lifted. They were worrying a bit as we got closer to our trip to NIH.
I also had a serious talk with the doctor there and told him how I was feeling like they were not very interested in Jim's pain from the neuropathy and such. They listened, and I think I gained a bit myself, being less intimidated and asking for our needs to be met. So, we had to stay at the NIH for today so that Jim could see the pain team. We also needed to see dermatology because of his fingernails falling off and such, but all of that is nothing compared to the clean PET scan.
Prior to our trip, I had contacted a doctor about a trial for Gerry, and he e-mailed me and wanted me page him when I got to the NIH, which I did. He met me, and we talked about a potential trial for Gerry in the future. It's all still so very hurtful to my heart knowing what June is going through, and it's painful to Jim, knowing what Gerry is going through. Oh my.
So, thank you for your prayers for us. We are home safe, and I am going to bed.
We were unable to go to Bob and Shelleys as planned because of the extra day at the NIH and Jim being so tired, but nonetheless, it was a very good trip for us. Thank you Jesus for the continued remission.
Us
We're home, and we're still cancer free, praise God. And Jim's spirits are lifted. They were worrying a bit as we got closer to our trip to NIH.
I also had a serious talk with the doctor there and told him how I was feeling like they were not very interested in Jim's pain from the neuropathy and such. They listened, and I think I gained a bit myself, being less intimidated and asking for our needs to be met. So, we had to stay at the NIH for today so that Jim could see the pain team. We also needed to see dermatology because of his fingernails falling off and such, but all of that is nothing compared to the clean PET scan.
Prior to our trip, I had contacted a doctor about a trial for Gerry, and he e-mailed me and wanted me page him when I got to the NIH, which I did. He met me, and we talked about a potential trial for Gerry in the future. It's all still so very hurtful to my heart knowing what June is going through, and it's painful to Jim, knowing what Gerry is going through. Oh my.
So, thank you for your prayers for us. We are home safe, and I am going to bed.
We were unable to go to Bob and Shelleys as planned because of the extra day at the NIH and Jim being so tired, but nonetheless, it was a very good trip for us. Thank you Jesus for the continued remission.
Us
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
And we're off
We're heading to the NIH for Jim's 6 month appts. PET Scan and a whole host of tests. Jim's nervous and I must be too, as I'm grinding my teeth while I sleep.
We are trying to go to Bob and Shelley's to see them. With Jim's many appts., it might get changed. They have a concert, too, so we shall see.
I'm also meeting with a doctor down there about trials for Gerry, family, so I'll have some info about that as well.
Pray for us. I"m dragging dragging dragging. The suitcase gets heavier every time. The drive gets longer and longer.
Us
We are trying to go to Bob and Shelley's to see them. With Jim's many appts., it might get changed. They have a concert, too, so we shall see.
I'm also meeting with a doctor down there about trials for Gerry, family, so I'll have some info about that as well.
Pray for us. I"m dragging dragging dragging. The suitcase gets heavier every time. The drive gets longer and longer.
Us
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Miracles Every Day
Well most of you have heard me talk about this character. She's my HoneyBee. The one that I love. She's my "grandaughter."
I would like to introduce you to "my brudder" (her brother)
Well, that's part of him. Owen Ryan. That's my sister's finger. That's his foot. He only weighs 3 pounds and some odd ounces. But he's doing well. His Apgar scores were high. He's not on oxygen. He is getting food through a tube through his nose, which he's doing very well at. He even has a full head of hair. Imagine that. His skin looks beautiful.
Here's the rest of him. Isn't he darling. He's soooo tiny. So, pray for him.
Pray also for my brother-in-law Jerry. It's not good. Junie told me that without chemo he would have 4 to 6 weeks to live. With chemo 6 months to 2 years. It's happening all over again. When I got off the phone with her, I was in shock, so I might be getting some thing wrong. He has non-small cell lung cancer, stage 4. I'll be busy at the NIH on Wednesday for more than 1 reason... Please pray for him, my friends.
Life goes on
Hi Everyone:
We had such a nice time at the cottage. A really nice time. (Sorry I missed that call MJ on Saturday, or I would have LOVED to have gone tubing with you.)
Anyway, the weather was wonderful, and we didn't do anything big or huge. Mostly bird watching and riding the golf cart all around the creation. Mary Joe and Joe visited us and helped us tremendously with cutting the grass and such, and we had a delicious dinner together.
It was hard not feel a bit sad that I was enjoying myself while June was feeling like I was feeling last year.
My great nephew was born. 3 pounds 12 oz. Preemie, but he's okay. Praise God. So, life goes on and where it stops, nobody knows...
We are off to the NIH this Wednesday. This is Jim's 6 month PET scan and bunch of other tests. Jim's fingernails are falling off and he's still in pain of course, but as I said, life goes on.
I'll report back later. ;)
We had such a nice time at the cottage. A really nice time. (Sorry I missed that call MJ on Saturday, or I would have LOVED to have gone tubing with you.)
Anyway, the weather was wonderful, and we didn't do anything big or huge. Mostly bird watching and riding the golf cart all around the creation. Mary Joe and Joe visited us and helped us tremendously with cutting the grass and such, and we had a delicious dinner together.
It was hard not feel a bit sad that I was enjoying myself while June was feeling like I was feeling last year.
My great nephew was born. 3 pounds 12 oz. Preemie, but he's okay. Praise God. So, life goes on and where it stops, nobody knows...
We are off to the NIH this Wednesday. This is Jim's 6 month PET scan and bunch of other tests. Jim's fingernails are falling off and he's still in pain of course, but as I said, life goes on.
I'll report back later. ;)
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Cottage
Hi Everyone:
Well, we are going to bite the bullet and go to the cottage. Next week is Jim's big 6 month Gig at the NIH. PET scan. Heart Scan, Skin docs and hours and hours of appts. So, we thought we would go and live big. LOL. Get some corn, ride the golf cart and lay in bed and love the sound of the phone not ringing. That is VERY BIG to us.
It's very odd. With us being so worn out and Jim in so much pain, it takes us a long time to do what used to take us very little time. I wanted to go and see Jerry at the hospital, and yet the last thing I wanted to do in the world was go to the hospital. And I feel guilty about it. I remember thinking early on. "how can people go on with their lives." Don't they know ours is falling apart. That didn't last long, as I realized the sillyness of that. But I also realize the feelings and fears that June is going through and part of me wants to be no where but besides her ministering to her, and another part of me wants to be 500 miles away from a hospital, especially the cancer ward. (Heavy Sigh.) So for now I'll pray, and then take Jim to the NIH, and keep on praying for both of these very special men.
Pray for us and for our safety and that we have a little fun. We have forgotten what that is, or how you do it.
Well, we are going to bite the bullet and go to the cottage. Next week is Jim's big 6 month Gig at the NIH. PET scan. Heart Scan, Skin docs and hours and hours of appts. So, we thought we would go and live big. LOL. Get some corn, ride the golf cart and lay in bed and love the sound of the phone not ringing. That is VERY BIG to us.
It's very odd. With us being so worn out and Jim in so much pain, it takes us a long time to do what used to take us very little time. I wanted to go and see Jerry at the hospital, and yet the last thing I wanted to do in the world was go to the hospital. And I feel guilty about it. I remember thinking early on. "how can people go on with their lives." Don't they know ours is falling apart. That didn't last long, as I realized the sillyness of that. But I also realize the feelings and fears that June is going through and part of me wants to be no where but besides her ministering to her, and another part of me wants to be 500 miles away from a hospital, especially the cancer ward. (Heavy Sigh.) So for now I'll pray, and then take Jim to the NIH, and keep on praying for both of these very special men.
Pray for us and for our safety and that we have a little fun. We have forgotten what that is, or how you do it.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
I just really want to go to heaven
Well, I worked my butt off today. I'm so tired I could cry. But I'm too tired to cry, which is why I probably did it.
Well, more bad news in my family. My dear brother-in-law Jerry has lung cancer. Jerry is Jim's sister June's husband. I feel so bad for her cause I know all those terrible feelings. I still have them. Now I have them for them, too.
Well, Jim went up in pain medicine. His neuropathy is getting worse. His quality of life is...well, there is no quality of life. It feels all so terribly uphill constantly.
Keep June and Jerry in your prayers. When Jim was dying, June sent us a card and wrote a simple sentence. She wrote: "Dear Jim and Dolly. My heart breaks for you, Dolly and my baby brother. All I can say is "Jesus."
It was one of the best messages, because that's all there is.
So, June and Jerry...
JESUS
Well, more bad news in my family. My dear brother-in-law Jerry has lung cancer. Jerry is Jim's sister June's husband. I feel so bad for her cause I know all those terrible feelings. I still have them. Now I have them for them, too.
Well, Jim went up in pain medicine. His neuropathy is getting worse. His quality of life is...well, there is no quality of life. It feels all so terribly uphill constantly.
Keep June and Jerry in your prayers. When Jim was dying, June sent us a card and wrote a simple sentence. She wrote: "Dear Jim and Dolly. My heart breaks for you, Dolly and my baby brother. All I can say is "Jesus."
It was one of the best messages, because that's all there is.
So, June and Jerry...
JESUS
Monday, August 3, 2009
BORING.....
YOU ALL ARE BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Except Amy and some other anonymous person.
Would you rather had me complaining??? Giving you Jim's blood numbers? Hey, I know...how about a link to the National Cancer Institute where you can read page after page of medical information. Is that what you guys want?
Geeze.
No more fun videos for you.
:-P~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Except Amy and some other anonymous person.
Would you rather had me complaining??? Giving you Jim's blood numbers? Hey, I know...how about a link to the National Cancer Institute where you can read page after page of medical information. Is that what you guys want?
Geeze.
No more fun videos for you.
:-P~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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