YIKES!!!

Hi All:

Please pray for Jim. He's not been feeling up to snuff. Today's blood labs were NOT good at all. He's going into the hopt. for another blood transfusion tomorrow, and his neutraphil count is basically non-existent, at 0.10. A good count would be 7.50. So, he's neutropenic and has to watch what he eats and can't be around anyone that's been around sick children, etc. His white blood count is 0.6. (Jim wants me to tell you that the units are x 10 raised to the 6 power per decaleter.) (yeah, hon...okay, whatever you say.) His red blood cells are down, too, that's why he needs the transfusion.

Actually his blood flags say that he has:

Leukopenia
Lymphopenia
Neutropenia
Monocytosis
Anemia
Microcytes
Macrocytes
Thrombocytopenia
Schistocytes
Pancytopenia

I'm not looking them up.

We're not so sure he'll be able to receive his next chemo. His blood keeps getting worse and worse. He's just not bouncing back like he did. The doc says that's eventually what happens, and that's when they stop trying different types of chemo.

With the Budwig diet that he's on, we weren't sure whether he should continue chemo if the PET showed the tumor uptake was gone. You need at least 3 to 4 months for the diet to work. Not sure if Jim's tumor would stay gone that long. But it's in the Lord's hands. It's too big for mine.

It's all so very sad if we dwell on it, which we try not to. So, thanks for your prayers. They must be working.

We love you and appreciate you
Jim and Gloria

PET SCAN #...who can keep count

Hi Everyone:

It's like a drum roll.....and the verdict is. Only we have to wait a week or so before we get the results. And then once we get the results, based on what they are, what do we do? And how many more times do we allow them to give him scan after scan, exposing him to more and more radiation. When do we stop all conventional and go with alternative? When when when... what what what... why why why... how how how...and on and on it goes.

BUT FOR TODAY...he is getting a PET scan.

Please pray for me and Jim, that we rest in the the Lord's hand.

Normal...hmmmm

Well, Maddy, you got me thinking, and it reminded me of something and made me laugh. So thanks for the laughter amidst the madness.

All of my life, I have been saying, "as soon as.....(fill in the blank) I can start living. And while doing it, I realized, THIS IS LIFE, but I would still say it and live it anyway.

As soon as:

Johnny's out of diapers
John quits drinking
basketball season starts
basketball season is over
I'm remarried
I move
I can go to the cottage
Cottage season is over and fall is here
Christmas is over
College is over
The wedding is over

I thank God that while I wished certain aspects of life away, awaiting life, that he was actually richly, very richly, giving me life and allowing me to enjoy it and love it. I truly can say that I have loved it all, even the junk.

Last night as I was feeling very very sad, rather than say, "as soon as Jim is better, I can enjoy life again" I went outside and lived in the present with my husband and was very very thankful that we could enjoy our life together in that moment.

I struggled in my sleep again. I woke up and spent some time with the Lord. He called me to praise Him. He told me years ago that I would learn to trust Him through Praising Him. And well, I do trust Him because of it. Today it means "trust Him with me" through praising Him. It was hard to praise Him because my feelings were not there. First, it was 3 a.m., second, my heart is broken. So I went through some of the alphabet.

A- Praise God that you are the Alpha, there from the beginning, the Almighty, All in All, my Air that I breathe, the Apple of my eye, as I am His Apple, too.

B- Praise God because you are Beautiful, Bold, Beyond Description, Better than anything...

well, you get the idea. It's hard thinking that early, but my spirits were lifted by the letter "M", although I skipped a few between A and M. After that I felt God wanted me to pray for healing for Jim, and I did. Then I fell off to sleep. Woke up, feeling heavy hearted again. But at least I'm going to find life today with Jim, just where I'm at, rather than waiting for some other feeling.

Know what else came to mind? It's no fun being a fun addict. I am a fun addict. Anybody want to come over and play some games?

Gloria

FIREWORKS

Well, I got a lot of questions and calls on my last "post" and I wasn't even going to post anymore because it just seems like its nothing but me complaining and moaning. It's not because I'm a negative person, it's because there's been a lot to complain and moan about. There's been a lot of good, too. It's just been so long since I've done anything fun. I want to go fishing. I want to go to a carnival, on a vacation, out to dinner, a movie, a walk, a bikeride...ANYTHING...

Last night I had a bunch of bad dreams, and today I was really sad mostly all day. I was getting ready to shut down the computer and I saw a big firework from the window and went and got Jim, and we sat on the front porch and watcher what was the best firework display either of us have ever seen. And having lived on Haslage with firework displays displaying every week through the summer, that's saying a lot.

So, tonight, we did something normal, and it was fun.

Just another day in paradise!!!

Well, this was....oh forget it.

nice day

Well, it was a nice Sunday for Jim. First my sister visited, and then Tom and Judy met Jim in the elevator, as Jim was coming back from getting some sun on the terrace, and then I showed up, sooooooo tired, and Judy's ability to get me laughing, picked me up, and then Bob and Ruth showed up, Ruth with her beautiful smile, and Bob, with his great jokes, ahem ahem... I had dinner with T & J (thanks for the treat) and then spent some alone time with my dear husband. Jim was certainly blessed by the visits and the love. Thanks guys.

Jim will probably not be home until Wed. His blood is dropping fast, and he's probably going to need a transfusion. But his spirits are doing well. In fact, he's been doing really really good ever since the doctor told him he was going too die. Well, not me. :_P~~~~~~~~~ But I'm glad he's doing well.

He's on the budwig diet, as many of the alternatives so far have not been very promising, but we will try anything. And to you Dave, and Judi and other's who have suggested something, you may not have heard from me, but we are looking into it.

Thanks for blessing us
Me

chemo number 4

Hi everyone:

Well, Jim is in the hopt. receiving his 4th chemo treatment. And it starts all over again. Please pray for him. His blood doesn't bounce back like it did. It gets harder with each treatment. He will get a PET scan after this treatment to see how it's going. Pray against the radiation from all the scans he's had. I bet he's had at least 12 in the last year.

Pray for me, too. I'm angry. And I'm tired. I'm very tired. Today, I refused to allow the weed eater to win a battle. It took me an hour to learn how to finally get the string on. I must have had to start it...of forget it, it's a long story, but I got done, and I finished it before I ran out of gas. I hadn't done it all summer, and it was bad, so, I'm glad I got it done. But before I could finish, I had to find the weed eater string cause it ran out. So that meant cleaning out THE ENTIRE SHED....AGAIN because it looked like a bomb went off in it. I visited Jim, and then I went and worked until 3:00. Then I came all the way home to find out that I left my house keys at my sister's house, cause she's using the truck, and they were on the same ring as the truck keys. So, now it's 4 a.m, and I've been working since 8 a.m, and tomorrow will just be another variation of today.

And to add insult to injury, I found my first age spot on my hand. Just wonderful.


GOOD NIGHT