Praise report

Praise Report.  Jim is doing a little better. 

 

I mean, his health has definitely changed, but we don’t know what it means. So, while he still has those intense periods, he is able to stand, and even cooked a meal, and even helped put labels on our wine. This is HUGE considering what happened that sent him to the hospital. So, something has changed, and is still changed, and we don't know what it is, but there are periods where he is walking better than when he went to the hospital. It’s not like it was, as his legs are real heavy and often bring on that feeling of paralysis, but he is still mobile. He even started the weedwacker for my friend Lynda, although once Jim went back to bed, we couldn’t get it started again. Even half paralyzed, Jim is still stronger than me.

Anywho, I wanted to tell you that.

 

Pray for me, and that I am obedient to the command that Jesus gives me to not be afraid.  2 years ago, Jim held my hand during a root canal and a few days later, drove to the airport and we went to Israel.  It was hard for him, but he made it.  Today, he can't even drive to the dentist with me (3 mins away) let alone hold my hand.  He went to the hospital by ambulance because he could not sit.  I say this because this Friday, I have to have my root canal redone.  (I have had an abcess there for 2 years now.  no wonder I feel like crap half the time)  Anyway.  That scares me, but not only that, but I think these thoughts...

 

If Jim was sooooooooooooo much better 2 years ago, how is he going to be 2 years from now, and how I am ever going to continue at this pace.  So, pray that I live in the present and fear not.  Thanks.

update

Nothing has changed Jim wise.  He had a little of a better day, and then today not so good.  I am doing a bit better.  I still don't have the energy or desire to go to lunch, or chit chat, however, I am turning on the phones so that people who volunteer to help can reach me.  But really, we love you, but just don't care to talk about it.  I mean going on 5 years, really...what is there left to say.  And I have nothing to chat chat about.  I don't want to talk about how hard this is, how hard I work.  I'm not reading good books, going to the movies, so...You know?

I did go to bible study today, and will finish this study, particularly since we are doing Matthew and chapter 24 mentions enduring, and as a Disciple I want to live by example.  I want to be an example for the women in my class to not give up, so I guess I have to not give up myself.  Not that I would even know what it means to give up....but... I am really really pressing into Him so that I don't.  It's certainly not adrenaline that motivates me anymore.

I know that last 2 years have been extremely hard and if Jim continues to decline, it's only going to get harder.  It saddens me and scares me, and most of the time, I don't know what to do.  So, please don't take it personal.  Trust me, you DON'T get it.  And I'm glad for you.  You wouldn't want to get it.

Okay, so.

Us

Jim's home

Jim is home, and not quite, but almost pretty much bed ridden.  He made it up the stairs.  I don't know how to do this new life, but I guess I'll figure it out.  I have had to quit teaching bible study, and I will have to quit the blog.  I am unplugging the phone because I'm tired of another thing to do, having to answer it.  No, I can't go to lunch.  I'm fine.   Jim's sick.  There, all calls are now answered.

I would have liked to ended the blog on a kinder note, but I'm not in the mood.  God bless you.

I can't handle this anymore!!!

So, Jim hasn't seen a doctor in 2 days.  And I'm picking him up.  And I don't know how I will get him up the stairs.  This HAS to end.

Hospital trip #????

Just an update on that prayer request.  I came home from bible study this morning to Jim having gone completely numb and not able to get out of bed.  He was mobile by the time I got home.  We called an ambulance and, well, we'll see I guess.

Thanks

Hard pressed still

Okay, here is my monthly update, a bit late.  First, a few notes.  Judy and Gary, I'm sorry, I didn't respond to your posts.  Somehow I missed them.  Thank you for caring.  Judy, I just don't have what it takes to go lunch.  I'm sure you don't understand it, but it is what it is.  At least know that I was very very VERY touched to be asked and to know that you still love me.

Gary...how come you never ask me to lunch???

Okay, well.  After this post, you'll see why I hate writing anymore. 

Jim is the worst he has been since the transplant.  His pain is so bad.  His muscle twitches.  He can't used his hands hardly.  And his hands had recovered so well.  His brain is fuzzy.  His legs are weak.  He can't make the ride to the chiropractor or to therapy or to anything if it were to help, which we don't think it will/does, but... What he can do is cook sometimes, as long as it doesn't take more than an hour.  Yesterday he said, he may have to stop doing that.

In bible study, (Matthew) I know it ends it, "Now go and make disciples..."  So, I made a discipleship principle chart for the ladies, to mark everything they learn about what it means to be a disciple.  And it's been really good application for me.  For instance. 

Matthew 14 - Be ready for divine curveballs--um, well, that's a daily thing for us.  But in verse 17, I am not to overemphasize our problems.  Verse 18, I am not to underemphasize Jesus' power over those problems.  Here are a few that have really helped.

*I have to follow my God where he leads.
*do a heart check on my relationship with the Lord.
*know from where my help comes from.
*surrending/dying to self isn't surrendering stuff, but surrendering my own agenda for my life.
*deny self, take up my cross, follow Him.
*watch out for my soul's competitors.
*remember how to live AFTER an encounter w God, when I'm not feeling it.
*moving mountains does not require a great amount of faith, just the tiniest bit.
* my nature isn't humble, but self seeking, prideful, selfish, judgmental. 
*sever sin.
*my heart and treasure go hand in hand.  Watch.
* God doesn't own me anything.  That I've been chosen is the greatest gift of life.

And my personal favorate from Matthew 14:15 - *There is no plce too desolate for Jesus.*  Now, if you're a believer, we have all heard this stuff, but when we study it in depth, it becomes so much more than some little saying that I hope to remember.  It's my life's blood.

Well, there are more, but you get the gist of it.  If I didn't have something to focus on, rather than where we are, we would be despairing...regularly.

Yesterday Jim tells me that his symptoms are like Lous Gerig's Disease.  I checked, and they are.  That's scary.  It doesn't mean he has it, but it's getting so hard for him.  He is going to talk to the doctor about it.  He did diagnose his heart infection and many other things.  Oh, Lord, let him be wrong here.  He's isolated, can't go to church, hard to focus when he reads, etc. Oh, pray for him.  Pray for us.  Pray hard.

Me?  I'm exhausted.  The idea of spring, warm weather, made me cry.   I don't want an extra hour of daylight.  I'm so tired.  Help me Lord.  And it's not just weary from the emotional stuff.  It's physical.  Greenhouse, raised beds, insulating the attic, laying flooring, building the wall, bills, shopping, taxes, insurance snafu's, changing the bed--oh, I didn't mention we bought yet another twin mattress for Jim to try...didn't help. (I knew this, but what can I say to him when he's dying for anything to help?)  Now, they are raising our taxes, food has gone up.  I'm getting fatter and fatter and.....on and on it goes.  So, yeah, we need you to hold our arms up.  I've never been to tired in all of my life.

Yesterday, Jim and I talked about selling most of our stuff, putting the rest in storage and moving in with Billy. (I know you didn't invite us, Billy, and we won't be ringing your doorbell, so you can breathe now) but it's that bad.  The idea of Jim not having to watch me work myself to the bone, not having to worry about the rising costs of everything, not to....sounds like a vacation.  Now, Billy we love you, but those of you who know Billy.  When we say moving in with him would be a vacation, well... :-)  We love you Billy.

Anyway, that won't be happening, but neither will the cottage this year, I'm sure.  We would list it for sale, but we're too tired.  Some people use it, and this makes us glad.  Sign up.  Cut the grass.  Don't break my tractor that Tom bought me.  :)

Bye for now.