Okay, here is my monthly update, a bit late. First, a few notes. Judy and Gary, I'm sorry, I didn't respond to your posts. Somehow I missed them. Thank you for caring. Judy, I just don't have what it takes to go lunch. I'm sure you don't understand it, but it is what it is. At least know that I was very very VERY touched to be asked and to know that you still love me.
Gary...how come you never ask me to lunch???
Okay, well. After this post, you'll see why I hate writing anymore.
Jim is the worst he has been since the transplant. His pain is so bad. His muscle twitches. He can't used his hands hardly. And his hands had recovered so well. His brain is fuzzy. His legs are weak. He can't make the ride to the chiropractor or to therapy or to anything if it were to help, which we don't think it will/does, but... What he can do is cook sometimes, as long as it doesn't take more than an hour. Yesterday he said, he may have to stop doing that.
In bible study, (Matthew) I know it ends it, "Now go and make disciples..." So, I made a discipleship principle chart for the ladies, to mark everything they learn about what it means to be a disciple. And it's been really good application for me. For instance.
Matthew 14 - Be ready for divine curveballs--um, well, that's a daily thing for us. But in verse 17, I am not to overemphasize our problems. Verse 18, I am not to underemphasize Jesus' power over those problems. Here are a few that have really helped.
*I have to follow my God where he leads.
*do a heart check on my relationship with the Lord.
*know from where my help comes from.
*surrending/dying to self isn't surrendering stuff, but surrendering my own agenda for my life.
*deny self, take up my cross, follow Him.
*watch out for my soul's competitors.
*remember how to live AFTER an encounter w God, when I'm not feeling it.
*moving mountains does not require a great amount of faith, just the tiniest bit.
* my nature isn't humble, but self seeking, prideful, selfish, judgmental.
*sever sin.
*my heart and treasure go hand in hand. Watch.
* God doesn't own me anything. That I've been chosen is the greatest gift of life.
And my personal favorate from Matthew 14:15 - *There is no plce too desolate for Jesus.* Now, if you're a believer, we have all heard this stuff, but when we study it in depth, it becomes so much more than some little saying that I hope to remember. It's my life's blood.
Well, there are more, but you get the gist of it. If I didn't have something to focus on, rather than where we are, we would be despairing...regularly.
Yesterday Jim tells me that his symptoms are like Lous Gerig's Disease. I checked, and they are. That's scary. It doesn't mean he has it, but it's getting so hard for him. He is going to talk to the doctor about it. He did diagnose his heart infection and many other things. Oh, Lord, let him be wrong here. He's isolated, can't go to church, hard to focus when he reads, etc. Oh, pray for him. Pray for us. Pray hard.
Me? I'm exhausted. The idea of spring, warm weather, made me cry. I don't want an extra hour of daylight. I'm so tired. Help me Lord. And it's not just weary from the emotional stuff. It's physical. Greenhouse, raised beds, insulating the attic, laying flooring, building the wall, bills, shopping, taxes, insurance snafu's, changing the bed--oh, I didn't mention we bought yet another twin mattress for Jim to try...didn't help. (I knew this, but what can I say to him when he's dying for anything to help?) Now, they are raising our taxes, food has gone up. I'm getting fatter and fatter and.....on and on it goes. So, yeah, we need you to hold our arms up. I've never been to tired in all of my life.
Yesterday, Jim and I talked about selling most of our stuff, putting the rest in storage and moving in with Billy. (I know you didn't invite us, Billy, and we won't be ringing your doorbell, so you can breathe now) but it's that bad. The idea of Jim not having to watch me work myself to the bone, not having to worry about the rising costs of everything, not to....sounds like a vacation. Now, Billy we love you, but those of you who know Billy. When we say moving in with him would be a vacation, well... :-) We love you Billy.
Anyway, that won't be happening, but neither will the cottage this year, I'm sure. We would list it for sale, but we're too tired. Some people use it, and this makes us glad. Sign up. Cut the grass. Don't break my tractor that Tom bought me. :)
Bye for now.
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