3:30 a.m

So, what do you do at 3:00 a.m when you're sick? I don't know. But here's what I did/do.

• stare into the dark - that 's boring
• pray - that's boring. Feels like God isn't there. Besides what could I possible say that he hasn't heard. And I'm not feeling like praising Him cause I feel so crappy.
• feel bad about not praising the Almighty God who is so worthy of my praise - but despite that, I still don't do it cause I'm probably passively aggressively mad at Him, which is sooooooo stupid.
• turn on the computer - many possibilities there
• play spider solitary - that's boring
• turn on the ipod player I bring from PGH - amazed that I can
• wonder where those songs on the IPOD came from -They might possibly be David and Andrea's wedding CD songs (I loved that CD)
• Sit amazed that this little IPOD instrument stumps me still - seeing how "old" I am because I"m stumped by an Ipod
• Thinking about how I got my Ipod free - chuckle and remember a good memory of when Jim wasn't sick.
• read about tracing blocked IP addresses - that's boring
• read the drudge report - drudgery
• wonder how long it will take before people with "I voted for Obama" bumperstickers to take them off, out of embarassment. - realizing, they probably won't ever see why they would need to rip them off.
• switch directions in my head - back to me
• feel sorry for myself - that makes me feel worse
• think of how blessed I am - feels like a lie, despite the truth of it
• wonder how Jim is - makes me sad
• wonder why I didn't think of him first - because my default setting is meeeeeeeeeeee.
• seeing my selfishness that I can't get away from - boring, cause we're all selfish
• judging those who read this and think "I'm not selfish" - that's boring and self righteous
• reading other blogs - that's boring
• go to BR to use the netti pot - nose is too clogged. Salt water ends up in my throat. End up thinking of Kristen, laugh at that, go back to computer
• laugh that poor Kristen is thought of when I use my netti pot -poor girl will always be when I do. I told her she would be.
• wondering if I spell "netti" properly - so I google it
• laugh at the You Tube video of some guy using the netty pot - 3 ha ha's cause it's more gross than funny
• Sneeze, cough, gag - used the last tissue
• Listening to Shelley use the treadmill - I'm jealous that I can't, she's fit, and has a life
• Realizing I've been jealous of everyone I see who has a life - which is everyone I see unless they are on a carton of milk or Compassion Internation ad - which makes me feel guilty.
• Thinking of my sister - cause I'm really not jealous of her life, cause she has it tough with that stupid lympedema, and she struggles to make ends meet since Mark's injury 15 years ago
• Thinking of my sister being 52 and how hard she has had it - makes me feel guilty
• Think of me and Elaine's fave saying - "guilt, the gift that keeps on giving."
• Think of why Elaine hasn't called me in 2 months - makes me sad
• Think of despite Elaine not calling, she's one of my best buds and one of the few that can get away with that. (if you're reading Elaine, I love and miss you)
• Listen to Allison Kraus on the Ipod - fantasize about how wonderful it would be to sing like that - fantasize about how wonderful it would be to breathe through my nose so I could sing, period...
• Listen to the treadmill go off - wondering about what wonderful breakfast Shelley is going to cook - wondering if I'll be able to taste it.
• Google for the 20th time, GVHD of the gut - decide not to
• Think about shopping online - online retail therapy isn't very fun when broke
• Decide to blog. - BUT ABOUT WHAT?

And that's how you got this....the opportunity to live inside my tormented brain early in the morn. Welcome. I hope you've enjoyed your journey.