weird

It's another weird Valentine's Day. We didn't realize it was today until about 4 p.m. Then,

I said, "Hey, it's VD."
Jim: Yeah, it is. Happy VD.
Me: Same to you. I can't believe it. I bought you a card. It's at the lodge.
Jim: No big deal. You can give it to me tomorrow.
Me: Okay. Wanna do a crossword puzzle?
Jim: Okay

And that was the end of our Valentine's Day. And what's really cool, is neither of us care cause the perfect romantic day...the perfect "anything" just isn't part of our lives anymore.

Jim's in the WC, and as I sit here, I think to myself, wow, this is the best Jim may be for a long time...forever...for? Who knows. The chemo is starting to make him sick and tired. And then it's time for the Stem Cell. Then it's anybody's guess as to???? Had this been done at another time in this journey, we would have been filled with this great sadness for what this could mean. But now, it's just part of our day, like going to the store or the post office. So, it's kind of beautiful in a weird way, that the extreme fear is gone, and the holding on to nothing and trying to make it something isn't there either. We're just living each day where it's at, and while we're doing that, I've noticed that I'm not that afraid anymore.

Of course I could just be feeling today's feelings outloud, and this could all be subject to change in a week. But I reckon it's probably a bit of both. I'm more prepared for "come what may" through the letting go of things being a certain way.

:)