stuff

Hi Everyone...

Well, we finally got Jim's medicine snafu's in order. That's the biggest problem when going to the hopt here or there.

Jim has a CT scan at about 1:30 or so. This will tell us how large or small the cancer is, and whether we proceed to transplant. He's having less pain from his surgery, but it sure is messy and hard to deal with, and he'll have that for 2 months. They have to find someone who can take care of this Seton while he's down here if we go to SCT.

Bill, have they called you today? I'm surprise nobody called or posted. Is anyone reading any more? I'm sure you are. I always tend to feel more alone down here. But about those feelings...

We are both doing better this morning, in all ways. I think about the many times I've blogged or started my conversations with, "this is so ....I feel so..." After all this time, it's finally dawned on me to stop that. LOL. Wow, isn't that deep.

My feelings are renewed by what I feed my mind, the bible says. When I consider only what I'm feeling and entertain that, it's not good. I need to speak the truth to myself. Last night through someone's prayers, the HS showed me to stop that. Again. Me and Karen spoke the other day and said we sure wish we had a good memory. I know the HS has brought this before me many times. It's in trials when I forget all I learn. By concentrating on God's goodness, and what I wrote in the other blog about, while hard things happens, I'm not abandoned and so forth, I have been able to continue on with faith and hope. So thank you for your prayers everyone. Despite everything we are going through, the enemy of our souls continues to attack attack, as if dancing with death isn't enough for him.

I was able to go to the gym at the hotel this morning and pray for some of you. It was a good time for me. I haven't done that like I used to do that. I'm sorry. I posted a while back about what my friend Amy had told me about people giving me the best that they have, and that has really helped me. So much time has gone by though, and my relationships are so changed, and so is Jim's. I think we need to cut ourselves some of that same grace. But as I do it, I do want to say this. I know I have forgotten your birthdays, not met any of your needs, have been preoccupied with self, despite your own stuff in life. I didn't do much Christmas shopping. No cards. If my dad were reading this, I would write how sorry I am that I haven't been there for you dad. And I miss you. I haven't been a great friend, sister, sister in law, mother, wife, mother in law, christian sister, neighbor, etc. Jim probably feels the same way, too. We want to tell you that we are doing the best we can. We are giving the best that we have to give, too. So, please forgive us if we've hurt you by forgetting a thank you that should have been delivered, if we haven't returned a telephone call, etc. No one's complaining, mind you. I just know that we haven't been ourselves in so very long, and it's all weird, and I want you to know how imperfect we feel and have felt as we have walked through this.

Well, I'll update as soon as I know something.

Thanks guys
Love Gloria & Jim