So far this stay has been a 25 day day. It never ends. It just keeps going.
Jim has a fever. High blood pressure. Heart rate's up. He's getting more platelets. His back hurts. His mouth hurts. He's getting antibiotics.
He will not get out of bed for me. He will not do exercises for me. He will not eat for me. So, I'm going to play computer games. I'm tired of pushing for hours and hours. Jim knows what he needs to do to get stronger. I think he's chosing not to, and I am just going to let it go because I can't and don't want to make him do anything he doesn't want to. I think he is hiding in his sleep, hoping it will just take him, which eventually it will. The computer games just take care of my boredom. I would pray nonstop, but what would I say that hasn't been said thousands of times by thousands of people?
I wish I could say it was more positive, but it's not. I guess I'm a bit PO'd. It's one thing to die from cancer, it's another to not eat, let pneumonia set in, etc. because your throat hurts. Wish I would have known that one in advance, cause I could be crying and alone at Christmas in Pittsburgh, rather than down here.
I'm sorry. There I go again, getting angry at my sick husband. This is all so stupid. Ok, now I cry. Like I said, it's just one big long continuum.
5 comments:
I read what your church sent you and it brought tears to my eyes. Partly because of their thoughfulness and partly because of the needs the items met. It was touching.
You and Uncle Jim have been going through this for over a year now. If it's not one thing, it's another. His will to live has been amazing. I sure hope it comes back. One can sort of understand, though, if that will to live would falter in times of suffering. I'm so sorry that you both are going through this. I can't imagine the frustration of it. This particular hospital stay sounds the worst. Uncle Jim sounds like he's had enough. I will pray for God's healing touch both pysically and emotionally for him. I'm praying for you too, Aunt Dolly. I love you both very much. Be at peace.
Love,
Judi
Dear Dolly,Iam sorry things are such a a mess and discouraging for you and Jim.I remember when I was a small girl with many bouts of strep throat and Daddy would try to force fluids on me by saying take a drink for daddy ,take one for Mumma.Now one for Jesus.One for Mary ,One for Joseph.Tell Jimmy to take one for Junie.Tell him that pneumonia is a lousey way to die after all his and your hard work . Rest Dolly and then come back fighting. I love you both.Junie . You don't have to struggle in prayer .Just say Jesus.Let us do the petitioning
My tired faithful Sister, you are doing what you can, our Heavenly Father knows what we want, what we need, and when to answer it. I will pray for strength for you and for Jim. I don't know about the rest of the folks but I've been needing some patience for alot of things this weekend during all of this. So I will pray for patience too for you.Cry, take in deep breath let it out thank the Lord for today no go and rest well tonight. Tomorrow comes soon enough
I Love You
You know I read every day. I wish I could be there to just hug you & sit in your room w/ you. You are beautiful woman, Aunt Dolly - you give a lot. Tell Uncle Jim that too many love him to give up. TOO MANY. I'm praying for you!! Thanks again for your honesty.
CK
Judi: Thanks, my dear. My church brings tears to me eyes, too. They have been very good to me through all of this, as has my family and friends. This is the worst, you are right. Thank you for your prayers. I love you
Junie: I will tell your baby brother tomorrow to take a drink for Junie. He was too tired tonight, and I'll need some new ammunition for tomorrow. Thanks for the encouragement. I love you, too. You are very special. Thanks for the "Jesus" reminder. I've been saying it all night. It's all I can say, you are right.
Sister: I'm tired. I wish you were here. I know you can't be, but I can envision you coming in and taking over, and I wouldn't have to worry about a thing. That's the way it's always been with you and me, since I was a little girl. Whether it was a bully at school or...fill in the blank. But I think this one is bigger than both of us, sister. I think the Lord has finally instilled the "patience lesson" within me. It's the "clinging tight to him when all else is out of control" lesson I'm learning now...again... Anyway, I love you too. I bet your house is all pretty decorated, huh? Take pictures for me and send them.
Hi Chrissie:
I'm glad to know you're still reading. You, too, are very beautiful. Remember, you're my first Baldauff...after Jim. Your beautiful smile, which reveals your heart, is the same, and your curls still bounce, but you're no longer that college girl. Jim and I, we'll we don't quite look the same as that day we met either. We both are ravaged by this terrible disease. I can't tell Jim to not give up. He's too beat up and tired. But I did tell him that when he can't, Jesus can. But I'll tell him what you said anyway. You're dad got him going today. :)
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