IIIIII Won't be home for Christmas...

Hi Everyone:

Well, I took a day off from updates, so here is a quick review of yesterday.

• Jim's throat is a tiny bit better
• He's still neutropenic
• His mouth is feeling a tiny bit better
• His blood count is low, but okay
• His platelet count is low, but okay
• He's lost all the extra water, plus 7 pounds
• They are feeding him through IV
• He walked much stronger yesterday
• He's got a lump on his leg, that we don't what it is
• He's got the beginning of a terrible bed sore, if he doesn't quit laying the way he is.

All 16 hospital stays, he has insisted he can't lay flat or use a wedge. He comes home....and sleeps flat. So, while looking at the lump on his leg, I notice a 4" X 6" bedsore. 1" by 4" is close to breaking through. I told him he has to lay flat, but he still insists he can't. I googled bed sores, and hit the "image" tab and walla, he sees pics of bed sores, and he's laying flat with a wedge.

Well, I blogged for 20 minutes and lost it all, so I'm going fast now, cause I"m running out of time. I have to be out of the ledge in 1.20 hours. Bob and Shelly's little one has the flu, so I can't go there, so I have decided to stay with Jim. I appreciate all the offers from Jesse and Leahs' friend, and even checking with a local church, but I just don't have what it takes to sleep with people I don't know. I'm tired and worn out, and I want my own bathroom and bed and I want to read when I want to read and I haven't been going to the bathroom well, etc. So, thanks. I also don't have what it takes to make nice and chit chat and show appreciation. I 'm tired. I look like hell and feel like hell and am in no mood to make nice for a place to sleep. Worse comes to worse, I have a bed in the van, and I'm serious. So, thank you very much. I have been packing up stuff last night and this morn. Leaving the lodge is a pain in the butt, for sure. Food and all. Oh well. It's been nice for 27 days. And I'll be back in 6 days.

Worse than anything is I won't be home for Christmas. This makes the second yucky Christmas in a row. I hear no carols. No volunteering, no pretty decorations. For the second year in my life, I won't unwrap decorations out of their boxes for my tree, something I have done for 30 years. No train. No cookies. No christmas caroling with my church. No bell choir. No Light of Life, or Angel tree. None of my fave CD's or DVD's of Christmas. No good cheeseballs, no shopping, no Hartwood Acres for the Festival of Lights. No decorating with my own lights. NO GIFTS...YIKES...Now I'm really depressed. ;)

Ya know it sounds bleak, but I'm okay. I don't know how to tell of hard times without sounding...like it's hard. And it is, but I"m okay. Me and my buddy Jesus just keep on keeping on. Suffering has become beautiful in a weird sort of way. And things are bad. But they could be worse. And, who knows, this could be in preparation for even more bad, bad economy, losing our house, health insurance, my own health, etc. Who knows. It's okay cause it's temporary and I have the Lord with me no matter what. One thing though, Lord. I sure hope if more bad times come it doesn't involved years of hospital sitting taking care of someone sick. NO, NOT THAT...please not that.

Family, friends. Take care of yourselves. I may be seasoned, but I'm not on the volunteer list for this type of duty for another 10 years....unless you really needed me. But I hope it's in Pittsburgh and I can go into my own bed at night, and I can sit in my livingroom at Christmas, thanking Jesus for this life...and that this life doesn't last forever. AMEN.

This Christmas, we will talk of fun family times. We'll think of the box of love from our church, and Tom and Judy's visit and Shelly's food drop off. Free nights of rest at the Lodge, and Jim still being with us. There are many blessings still.

Last blog that got deleted was better, but, oh well....

Ho ho ho