Hey guys:
I'm sorry I had my pity party on you guys if it caused you concern and worry over Jim and I. The aloneness is the hardest, and I guess it just came boiling out. I don't think I slept any better. I slept worse, but I think i had some good insight during my tossing and turning. yesterday, I should have NOT gone shopping to look for a night shirt for Jim, despite me wanting to help him. I was just too tired. I HAVE to start taking care of myself, but I just don't know how to do that when my dear Jim needs me more. I just don't know how to do that.
Well, no news on Jim. Except he had level 10 pain last night. He now has about 20 pounds of water. His heart rate is up and they have him on oxygen, I think, because all this water in his cells his causing him problems. But that's just a wife diagnosis. :)
The team is here.
3 comments:
Sister, I wont be home for a bit. Gina had a sonogram today and she's miscarriaged and having surgery and I have to take care of Christa. I will have all that stuff we talked about today on phone later in afternoon. I will have cell phone with me
wanted to ask CT scan n sonogram did it show any shrinkage of the cancer?
Prayers and All My Love,
sister
Oh, I'm so sorry, Kim. Don't worry about that stuff for me. You take care of your family.
The CT scan showed that the the cancer grew 15 percent. Read my latest post.
"Jesus, help me to grieve well today. i seem to be crying a lot. I always seem to be apologizing for crying. My tears seem to make everyone uncomfortable. But it's not as if I have an on-off switch. One minute I'm fine; then, out of nowhere, like floodwaters ravaging a small creek bed, the tears sweep over me. Can I at least know that I can cry around you and not have to apologize?"
"Oh, my anquish, my anguish! I writhe in pain. Oh, the agony of my heart! My heart pounds within me, I cannot keep silent."
Jeremiah 4:19
My dearest friend, We allow you to grieve, to weap and to cry out, we want you to share that with us.
We love you. and pray for you.
yes, being alone is the hardest. I remember one clueless single gal that said to me when I was at one of the lowest points of my life, "at least you have Gary with you." But that was the worst part of it, watching him suffer was worse than my own suffering. I would much rather have been on the street alone than to be on the street watching my dear husband suuffer.
When I was in Alaska, totally alone and in a "ministry" who wasn't a ministry at all but a sinister group of people that terrified me, I was alone and had only a few dollars. Yet, that pain was much easier because I didn't have to watch anyone dear to me suffer with me. Being "with" someone who you love and who is suffering along side of you isn't comfort at all but much additional pain.
Anyway, if anyone says to you "at least you have Jim with you" let me slap them silly for you.
I love you!
Rach
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