Ushering in October with beauty and fear

Well, as Jim said on the trip up to the cottage.  "Bravo God."  It was that beautiful.  I will post some pictures a bit later in the week when I find the time to download them all and go through them.  It was so beautiful up there.

It was a good trip, but a hard trip.  And I don't think anyone will ever fully understand why or how, except for me and Jim, so I won't get into it.  I've spent many years trying to get people to understand why we can't.... or why we have to....  I'm tired of feeling judged, being judged, explaining myself, or hearing someone's 1,2 step plan for a better life.  Then that takes me into judging back and I don't want to do that either.  I will simply say that Jim and I have LEARNED to be content and we praise God for his faithfulness in teaching us.  So, simply put.  It was good and hard.

I discovered Jim told John that he thought it might be the last time he was ever at his beloved cottage.  And if the trip home full of pain for Jim was any indication that he was right, then we know he won't be going back.  We've said good bye to so many things, places, friends, family, and relationships we once enjoyed and shared, that we've become accustomed to dying to these things.  This was one of the harder ones.   But God...

The other hard thing is saying goodbye to more money.  And boy are we going to have to shell it out.  Only problem is we haven't figured where it's coming from yet.  So, would you please pray for us.  Long story short is, Jim's employer no longer offers medicare members and their spouses health care on an HMO account.  So we have to go to a PPO account.  It will cost us 50 bucks more a month, but that's nothing.  The real expense is when we use it.  LOL.  We estimate it will cost us about 6k more a year.  And we're not sure if there is a gap with medicines.  If there is, oh boy.  "Okay breathe Gloria.  Remember everything you're learning about Him.  Breathe...." 

I get really scared because I think, "I have to get a job."  And then I realize I am skilled at nothing, and how could I ever work fulltime and take care of a house and cook and take care of Jim.  I cannot do it.  I know I can't.  So, God, um, we're fighting the fear as we wait on you, but it's hard and, um, well, you know...

So, hey everyone, pray for us.  Stress takes Jim's pain to a whole new level and this is one of those things.  And stress takes me to a whole new level of tiredness.  So I'm getting off now, cause Jim is SCREAMING in pain and I'm TIRED cause it's past my bedtime....YAWN...  just kidding, but this can happen, so PRAY...