So glad

I just had to share this this morning. 

I am so glad God made me the way he did.  It's one of the times I think on His Word where he says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Whether it's God in me, the Italian in me, or the woman in me, I'm glad I'm me, even if it means experiencing everything I have experienced in life. 

I used to be such an emotional pendulum swaying from one emotional extreme to another.  (I think that was the Italian part)  That wasn't really good for someone who is ruled by her emotions and feelings, as I was.  Through the years, with Him as the potter, and me the clay, I am no longer ruled by my emotions.  They certainly play a part of how I feel and the way I act and the things I say, but it doesn't take too long for God to work in my heart and bring balance back.   Oh, I still do my swinging, but when I stop, I find out that I'm still me and I'm still glad.

Because despite all the setbacks, illnesses, loss of friends, loss of ministry, loss of fun, loss of money, loss of my dad, John, Leah and Winston being far away and me not being able to visit, and not being at the ocean in years, (woe is me) in my heart, way way deep down in my heart, there is very strong desire for life, for hope.  And no matter what comes my way, I don't give it up.  Even when I want to.  I have even tried to, but I can't.  It just doesn't burn out.  And I'm not talking about my heavenly hope, the anchor of my soul.  No, that's much deeper and richer and can't even wrap my head around it.  I'm talking about the here and now.  In God's oh so very good loving nature, despite Him allowing all the hardship in my life that he has allowed, I haven't given up on this life, and never will.  When I say I'm sick of it, oh believe me, I am.  It has NOT been easy.  But there is a chance for something more.  Maybe I will see the ocean again and just walk and walk and walk the shore for hours some day.  Maybe Jim and I will play a game and laugh again someday.  Maybe we will be able to visit John and Leah or Bob and Carol.  Probably not, but I won't give up hoping for it.  To give up the desire for life, would be for my heart to die.  And I could never succumb to that.  It's just not me.

So, come what may, Jim and I are going to be okay.  We are doing quite well, considering.  So pray for us.  Pray for us hard.  We NEED that.  But, no matter what happens.  No matter what comes.  God is good.  Life is good, and some day when it's all over, and we really start living, well, get out of my way, I'll run you over in the promised land........but until such time, I'm so glad God made me the way He did, so I can deal with the things He felt I needed in my life, to make me what He wants to make me into, which I hope some day, is a reflection of Him.    Thanks Dad.