An odd way of becoming thankful

Well, I've stayed away. Why? Oh, so that some readers wouldn't be tempted to think, "How could Gloria be so down. She has so much to be thankful for." :-P~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ No kidding. But I arrived there, of course, in the non-conventional way. The gist of it was this.

I became thankful as I realized that I was blessed to have a great mother. I wouldn't be missing her if I hadn't. I am blessed to have my beautiful loving father all these years. I wouldn't be missing him on Thanksgiving if that weren't so. I am blessed to have my dear sweet son for those wonderful 18 years. I wouldn't be missing him so much if it wasn't such a joy to raise him. So, I guess you can tell that my holiday started out with me feeling so sad about missing so many people in my life. I have no idea why this started. But then I realized in order to be missing so many wonderful people, I had to be blessed to have them in the first place, and then I was oh so thankful. But the icing on the cake was realizing that I didn't have to miss my husband this Thanksgiving. Because he was sitting right besides me. Thank you Jesus. Thanksgiving was wonderful. That leads me to tell you that, believe it or not, but we go to the NIH next week for Jim's 9th month PET scan. 9 months of being cancer free. It still amazes me. I can't wrap my ahead around my day to day life. I still feel like I am living some weird dream and some day it will all be over.

I think mainly it's because Jim still struggles with extreme pain. June and Jerry (family) were here today and could see Jim's squirming and could see he was in pain. I felt bad I "forgot" or wasn't as aware of it as they were. I hate that. But I still don't know how to live every moment, and walk in peace, while he's in extreme pain. What if God doesn't deliver Jim from this? Will he be in pain forever? Will I then be a freak forever?

Who knows.