hard

So far it's been a hard day.

Jim has to take lots of meds. His mouth hurts. His cancer hurts. His butt hurts. The docs say that he is responding to the chemo. The one lump in Jim's neck is gone.

Jim has a temp now, and he is neutropenic. That is not good. The nurse said that she is hearing some air in his breathing.

Jim is whipped. I fed him 1 cup of a nutrition drink. He doesn't want it cause it hurts to swallow. He also doesn't want to do his breather or walk.

So, I ask him, "Honey, are you ready to let go and not fight this any more?" He said, "right now I want to let go. What will happen if I don't do anything I need to do now? I said, "well, you'll get weaker, probably pneumonia, etc. So, he got up, got dressed, did the breather, and took a short walk. He has to go for an Xray. I think they are checking to see if he has pneumonia. If he does, it won't be long before he's in the ICU, and I honestly don't think that he will pull through it.

But perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself. He is in a really tough spot right now. He's exhausted, because these are the worse days of chemo, where you do nothing but sleep, so he wants to be left alone, yet he wants to live, so he needs to eat and get up and walk and do the breather, plus he's in pain. We shall see.

I think I am going to leave for a while and take a break and come back and do the whole thing all over again later.