Oh Geeze!!!!!!

Hi Everyone:

I say "oh geeze" like the worse thing is that today I broke a nail. But the truth be known, it's "oh geeze" like, "I can't take this any more" oh geeze.

Thursday I find out about the Clinical Trial. I'm feeling balanced about it all. But I always feel balanced when Jim is stable. But I'm not trying to feel one way or another. Focusing on the Lord...etc. You've read the blog. So, anyway, earlier in the year, I started something that the Lymphoma Society offered, and long story short, they will reimburse people with NHL up to $5000 for insurance premiums, co-pays for hospital stays if you receive chemo (which is big with Jim's 15 hospital stays), travel, med co-pays etc. I put about 100 hours into paper work this since Jim's diagnosis. It's been insane what I've had to do to keep track and submit the papers. I've been telling the bill collectors, "Oh, just sit and wait for the Lymphoma Society..." We get a letter on Friday telling us they have no funds. LOL. We didn't get a penny. Not a stinkin' penny. When I finally got through on the phone, I said, you think you could have told me earlier on when you knew so that I could stop wasting my time. So, I thought, "who cares. It's just stupid money. Forget about it. NEXT....."

Well, "NEXT" is here. I went to lunch with my daughter today, (big deal here because I have been sick, and I haven't been leaving Jim for anything other than Giant Eagle). When I got home, I gave him a great big hug, and he felt warm to me. His temp was 100.00, and he tells me he has to go up on pain meds, so now he's going up to 100 mg's of oxy every 8 hours. He also has the cold sweats. This means the cancer is growing activily again. The radiation help is over. So...

They will have to get Jim into their clinical trial immediately, like next week, or there will probably not be an opportunity to be part of the trail. That's our thinking anyway.

Does anybody know anybody they can talk to? I caught myself as I write this because I'm thinking, "yeah, Dolly, how about God" and I didn't like my thought. (someone other than God, someone who will do something) But that's okay. Because it's my thought that is wrong and not my God, so that's okay. I'm sorry Lord for thinking that for a second someone could have more power than you.

Anyway, peoples, we need your prayers badly. When there is a temperature in Jim's body, the cancer is growing and it's growing fast and the pain with it. In week or so, he has upped his pain meds 4 times, and this just saddens me too too much. It's never been that active before. We are both very scared and sad.

Thanks
Gloria and Jim

Leah, I cried when you left. I missed you already. It was nice to talk with you about how much you miss your family, to hear about your mom and dad and Jess and Aaron, and how much you love your grandparents, and how excited you are about school (even the cadaver part) and everything, we talked about, and then looking at shoes, laughing at possibly watching a silly fashion show, etc. as we waited for a table at the Cheesecake Factory. It was nice with it just being us two (sorry John). You've really become my daughter, and I love you.

Love Mom