You hit the nail on the head, Rach.
I had many requests to know what my last post meant, so I thought I better post, despite my pain. YES PAIN.
Me:
I am sick again. I had a whole 2 day reprieve from a week long cold, to get a terrible terrible sore throat, stuffed nose, chest and head cold. That gave me an opportunity to clean my house, do laundry, cut the grass, clean the yard, work on the greenhouse, go food shopping, gets meds....
I think I am totally just worn out in all areas of my life.
JIM:
Doesn't want to eat, or if he does, he's fussier than anything. I have to tell him to take his meds 5 times before he does. Not good when my thoat hurts. He went up from 40 to 60 to 80 in pain meds in the last 5 days and needs to go up again. The radiation has totally wiped him out. My Jim, my Jumbo, my dear husband, it feels like he is already gone. If you were to visit, he would put his game face on for you, but he's very tired. When he's awake, which is 5 mins an hour, he still wants to fight it.
ME:
But I don't want to fight it anymore. I don't have much fight left in me when I'm sick. God, if you don't take him, take me. Or God, take care of him. Or heal me so I can. Oh, heck, God, just take me.
Jim:
"I don't want to live if you're not here."
US:
Anybody got any koolaid?
ME:
Yeah, go ahead, make a joke, Dolly (Gloria) That's what you always do. I guess it's okay. If I don't smirk at myself, I might feel self pity. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THAT. I HATE SELF PITY. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. It's the worse. But I feel so defeated.
I definately feel like I have Limburger Cheese on my upper lip, making everything stink. But how do I get in the word and put on my armor when I am so sick....again, so tired....again, so scared....again, so worn out.
I had a nice day with my kids. It was great. It was. It felt normal. I cried as they left. I cried as my sister left. I was left alone with it all again. It was gone. It doesn't have the staying power like a nice vacation does.
I need someone to hold them arms up again. I am going to list to the Bible on CD. That will help, won't it?
So, my friends and family, I was trying to spare you the drama, lonliness, pain, sickness, helplessness and pity (that I'm fighting) by writing blah blah blah blah,.....etc.etc.
Well, I have to go fight with Jim to eat something.
Love me
4 comments:
Don't want to call if you 2 are resting but if ya need rides, food, soup-a,jello, I'm your gal.
I have koolaid btw and I knew what your blah blah meant, I cried on both blogs.Call us if ya need it.
my sweet baby Sister, child of God
I love you, tell Jim too if it doesnt hurt your throat.
thanks sister, I needed a kind word. Thanks a lot.
BTW, the koolaid thing is a joke...Remember Jim Jones. Bad joke I guess.
Thanks for the kind word, really.
I know you have help but can I bring you zicam for your cold or tea and honey. I am praying a lot even though I know I can't give you what you really need. Is there an errand or chore you need to have done? I am sorry that you both have to go through this and that that really means nothing. If your head is stuffy sometimes very gently breathing boiling water with cider vinegar in it helps clean out the nasal passages but you have to do it carefully. I will just keep praying.
Nancy
Thanks Nancy:
I'll be good to go again soon. I loved what your hubs wrote on the bulletin, by the way. Very good stuff.
Thanks for your kind words, too.
E-mail me. I got a new computer and didn't save all my e-mail addresses and I wanted to e-mail you and didn't have it.
Gloria
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