Hello Faithful followers

Hello everyone:



Jim isn't doing so well today. He's not getting out of bed. He's not urinating. He's only sleeping. It's too painful for him to walk. I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow. I will be there at 9:00 a.m, but I am afraid because the doctors will come in and give us 2.5 minutes. They will talk about Jim before hand, and when they come in to see him, it can go down any path, and I'm very very anxious about this. I almost do not want to be there. Actually I don't want to be there. I would rather have a tooth drilled without novacaine than to be there in that room with Doctors talking about Jim like he's a guinia pig, without them wanting any of our input, and to have to hear any more bad news. And I'm scared they will release him unto my care. Terrified. Not in the "sinful, not trusting Jesus" way, but in the "oh boy, I'm going to really have to trust Jesus" sort of way. Does that make sense?


Today, I went shopping. I typed in Costco into the GPS that I bought Jim last Christmas, and it was 10 miles away. So, away I went. Before I knew it, I saw Arlington Cemetary and the Pentegon. The Pentegon is huge. I had never seen that before, although I had been at Arlington. HUGE. I thought about a plane crashing into it, and it was really really weird. Costco was so crazy busy that I panicked and had to get the heck out of there. There were lines for samples. They're nuts. I can't stop like that. My sister Kim knows what I'm talking about and exactly what happened to me, don't you sister? So, I put in walmart in GPS and ended up in Virginia, but I got some socks, nail clippers, eye cream and came home.

Larry is back. It is really annoying, too. He's not so cute any more when Jim's life feels like it's on the edge...again. I was humming Christian songs when he walked in. He didn't have his coat off, when his cell phone rang and he started complaining about his sister, and "her going to the synogogue and..." Then he says, do you hear music? Are you playing music? He knew darned well I was humming. And I wasn't stopping either. It was a light hum, and I was trying to calm my dear husband. After he got off the phone, he turned on the Tv louder and louder and louder to drown me out. It almost was like the hymns I was humming were driving him nuts, despite him not even being able to hear them much. Like the praises to God were making him sick. He ate chips and rattled the bag and did everything in his power, I feel, to drown my soft humming out. Then he left and went to the family room. Then I had a brilliant idea. I brought up You tube and God tube, and played all kinds of christian songs, Christmas hymns, etc. for Jim. 2 birds with 1 stone, baby. Peace for Jim, and Larry stayed away. I was not in a "Larry" mood today.


Once again, I could not enjoy my little bit of shopping. My mind was on Jim the whole time. With him is where I want to be. I just want to be doing something different.

He maybe said a whole sentence to me today, but it was better than being anywhere else. So, there is no respite. There is nothing or any place that I want to or can go to. I remembered I brought some thread crocheting items, and I bought a puzzle book to do the logic problems, so I'm good for more sitting. I pray that they don't send me home with Jim. I'm ready to sit.


I have to leave the Lodge by the 25th, I believe, and will have to drive to Bob and Shelleys or find a cheap hotel if we do stay, maybe some of both. I don't want to drive 3 hours a day because I need new tires on the van, and the van is humming and I hate the 6 lanes of traffic. But the cost of hotels can be too expensive, so I just might have to do it anyway. I could then buy those tires. Bob and Shelley's house is beautiful. I would feel guilty heating that huge house just for me though. If you are reading this guys, keep the heat off. I won't be there during the days, and if I stay there at night, I can cover up. Jim keeps our house very cold at night anyway, so I'm used to it.

adee da dee da dee dee, that's all folks.
gloria