Life is funny

Hi everyone:

I was truly bothered all day yesterday, and then felt soooooooooooo stupid about it all. I was angry as could be. And I sinned...again... There's not much I can do for Jim but nurse him, and darn it, I was going to find what he needed if it took 8 hours. And when he said no after that, I felt like Billy Graham would have felt if he just spoke to a stadium full of people and not one person came to his alter call.

Well, okay, maybe that's a bit over the top, but close. And then I was so angry, and I couldn't get angry with Jim because he's so sick, so I was passive angry with him--hey, I'm christian.... ;)--held it in and I got depressed. Then I felt bad at that and just got fake nice and stayed aloof. Now that was mature. Why didn't I just go to the Lord with my anger. I don't do that you know. And then I got more depressed.

And to top it off, I felt the Lord wanted me to fast. I have never fasted in my life, but for a meal or half a day. I think it's mainly because I don't understand the principle behind it and such. So I did it, but then I couldn't pray during lunch or dinner, because I was out looking for the enema bag. By the time I got home and Jim said no and such, I figured, I must have totally misheard the Lord, and then I ate cereal. It never dawned on me that I could have been being attacked. And um, why didn't I turn to the Lord with that? I mean, isn't that the point? Oh boy. Well, I guess, I learned at least one point about fasting...after I failed at my first attempt.

But I'M OKAY TODAY. YIPPEE. Did, I tell you the one about the priest, the rabbi....

I don't know what to do today. My house is completely a mess from the 15 hour days at the hospital and Jim being sick and such. I have paper work galore. Winter cloths that need to come out, summer that need to go in, etc. It's so hard to live this life right now in a normal old way that Jim and I used to.

Tom, Judy, Bonnie, & Kim, thanks for your comforting words, and your love yesterday. I really needed understanding and acceptance despite my unacceptable behavior. In that, you were just like Jesus to me. Thanks. It's been a long trial, and sometimes I feel like I'm a mess and losing it. When my family and friends cut me the slack that I need to not be perfect, it's like the air that I need to breathe. Amazingly when it's not those guys, it's MaryJo, Kristen and Karen, or a neice or....thanks to all of you.

I started this blog to update our huge family and many friends on Jim's progress, because I was so busy to keep up, and to bless them. I am the one who is blessed.

Gloria

PS (ATTENTION JIM'S FAMILY....ALERT... ATTENTION. I am "Dolly" to you. I am Aunt "Dolly" to you, I am "that ........ Dolly" to you. Don't try and change midstream and try and call me Gloria. I heard it from some of you and it was too weird. ;) Tom when you tried, I didn't even know who you were talking too. lol

Love us