late night

I mostly had a not so bad day today. My sister brought dinner and we shared it with Brother Tom, and it was very nice. Afterwards, we play Catan. I won. For about 2 hours,I escaped the reality, and it felt so very good.

Jim was quietly in bed. It's because he's in so much pain. He has decided to up his oxy tonight. Last night he got no sleep, and the break-thru pain has been bad for him. This really made me sad, because it's a progression, that for a few hours today, I had escaped through a nice dinner, and a game.

After talking with many about pain and such, I was watching CNN new tonight and they were talking about the persecution of Christians in Iraq. Since Saddam is gone, they can no longer pay Al Quiada for protection. And I think of the thousands and thousands of prayers that have gone up to our Lord for Jim. I feel like lately, he's a God that is at work "at large" rather than on the personal intimate level with everyone. And I know that's not true, it's just a feeling, and how it looks. I know I have also experienced God in a personal level in big ways, and even in small ways through pray. But thousands and thousands of prayers that I know Jim is getting are not changing anything for him, and this burdens me. And I don't get it. And then it takes me back to that place of his sovereignty, so why pray and such. And I've beat this dead horse before, but why does it always come back to visit when I am weary and tired.

So, the bottom line of this update, is that the pain meds for Jim have been increased. This is sad and scary for me.

Very tired. Going to bed.