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Hello:

Well we are home from a very wonderful, and yet painful weekend at our cottage.

I would say that it was more painful for me, Gloria, as it was for Jim. It's painful for Jim to see me crying so much. It's painful for me to know that if God takes Jim home, that I will actually feel worse than I feel now.

Years ago I struggled with "Doesn't God like me?" "am I paying for this because I..." type of thoughts. And it's been a good work in me and a long time since I've felt some of those things. I can feel the enemy wanting me to go there, and I kind of laugh at that. And yet coming into view is a faint picture of a thought that goes like this. "Perhaps it is possible that God doesn't like me, and perhaps I should think that way, I mean after all..." I won't let that thought nest in my hair, so close to my brain, and yet it feels like it, and so it nests in my heart. Once again, I find myself on the outside looking in.

While at the cottage, I did have some relief from the tears. LOL. The relief came in the form of phone calls about my father, who is in the hospital. As most of you know, he has Altzheimer's and has been in and out of the hopt with real and imaginary illnesses. The home he is in is pathetic. With Jim being sick this past year, I've not been able to do much for my dad in regard to change and such. So, my dad goes to the hospital and has a blood clot and they say he needs shots, but now his blood is too thin. In the meantime, Elmcroft, where my father has been staying, says they can't handle him any more. (well, hire more staff, when people quit, as they are apt to do every other week.) So, I am going today to look for a new place for my father to live. A place that will love him, take care of him, give him his medicine.....oh, wake up, Gloria. A place that has a bed.

Dear, you know who, thank you sooooooooo much for installing our downspout and repairing our gutters and painting for us while we were away. I think it was the only exhale that I took the whole weekend that came out easy, that wasn't strained. "Oh, there it is. There it is. There's the love of God that is so hard to find in all this pain. Thanks for being there. You and your dear wife become more and more dear to us as we watch you work in our lives. You give so much and we desire to serve and become more like you. Thanks for more than you know.

I've saved the best for last. Jim is feeling well. He does not have a temp, which at least makes the exhaling for me a bit easy. Oh, I touch him lovingly here and there, because I love him, but also to see if he's feeling hot. So far he's not. He feels better than he's felt in a long time. This is the first time in 6 months that he's not been getting chemo or in the hopt. His feet are still numb, but he's doing really well.

The piece de' resistance....Jim and I went swimming down the Tionesta. We walked across the creek and checked out the wilderness, and looked for various wildflowers, mushrooms, animal evidence, whatever we would find. Chewed on some Elderberries... We took many golf cart rides, a nice walk. Layed around. Went to the Hatch Patch and got some really good corn. Visited with our neighbor friends up there. We got to sit at their fire and didn't have to do the work of building the fire. They even fed me (Thanks guys, you're the best.) the best fire pies I ever had. We looked for glow worms, but didn't find any. And we talked of the many things we've done over the years. And after all my journeling, tears and talks, we have finally named our cottage.

"Made of Love"

Us