Normal...hmmmm

Well, Maddy, you got me thinking, and it reminded me of something and made me laugh. So thanks for the laughter amidst the madness.

All of my life, I have been saying, "as soon as.....(fill in the blank) I can start living. And while doing it, I realized, THIS IS LIFE, but I would still say it and live it anyway.

As soon as:

Johnny's out of diapers
John quits drinking
basketball season starts
basketball season is over
I'm remarried
I move
I can go to the cottage
Cottage season is over and fall is here
Christmas is over
College is over
The wedding is over

I thank God that while I wished certain aspects of life away, awaiting life, that he was actually richly, very richly, giving me life and allowing me to enjoy it and love it. I truly can say that I have loved it all, even the junk.

Last night as I was feeling very very sad, rather than say, "as soon as Jim is better, I can enjoy life again" I went outside and lived in the present with my husband and was very very thankful that we could enjoy our life together in that moment.

I struggled in my sleep again. I woke up and spent some time with the Lord. He called me to praise Him. He told me years ago that I would learn to trust Him through Praising Him. And well, I do trust Him because of it. Today it means "trust Him with me" through praising Him. It was hard to praise Him because my feelings were not there. First, it was 3 a.m., second, my heart is broken. So I went through some of the alphabet.

A- Praise God that you are the Alpha, there from the beginning, the Almighty, All in All, my Air that I breathe, the Apple of my eye, as I am His Apple, too.

B- Praise God because you are Beautiful, Bold, Beyond Description, Better than anything...

well, you get the idea. It's hard thinking that early, but my spirits were lifted by the letter "M", although I skipped a few between A and M. After that I felt God wanted me to pray for healing for Jim, and I did. Then I fell off to sleep. Woke up, feeling heavy hearted again. But at least I'm going to find life today with Jim, just where I'm at, rather than waiting for some other feeling.

Know what else came to mind? It's no fun being a fun addict. I am a fun addict. Anybody want to come over and play some games?

Gloria