WHAT ELSE DID THERE USED TO BE?
It seems so long ago that I was diagnosed with cancer. I can barely remember a time when I didn't have it or I was at least waiting on a diagnosis for all the pain I had been having. Illness/cancer and chemotherapy have a way of making time stand still. I can't even fathom how some people go through this battle for years! How do they not give up hope? Even though I know that my salvation is secure in Christ, I still battle not feeling sorry for myself or wonder what the future will bring.
I'm very greatful that the chemo seems to be doing its job! When I was first told that I had cancer, I had anticipated that God would use this somehow mightilly in my life, maybe a means of profoundly changing my very nature. Perhaps He would use it to bring glory to his name through me. Maybe I would be able to use this time to study His Word or seek Him out in prayer in such an intimate way that I have seldom been able to do before. Alas, none of this has happened to any great extent. I do know that God is sovereign and He has allowed this tradgedy to touch my life and my wife's. I just don't get it so far.
The weather has been so nice the past couple of days that I am beginning to feel hopeful. Even though I'm not able to do much, somehow just being outside and doing some small jobs makes life appear that it may become normal again. I felt a great sense of hope today!
I would like to thank all the many wonderful people who have committed to praying for my wife and me during this time! I have no idea what I would have done without all your prayers! Please don't stop yet. I still have a long road to healing, but I especially would like to know what the Lord wants me to take away from all this.
In His Care
Jim
4 comments:
Hi Jim! (And Dolly)
It was so good to hear from you. Sometimes it’s good to hear from someone and not just about them. Thank you for taking the time and effort to write such a heartfelt post.
You are about the third person, going through a hideous time of trial that has commented on wanting to come out of this time with a spiritual truth or growth attached to the time of suffering. Of course this is a valid request. “Father if you are going to allow me to walk this path at least let me see some fruit come out of it!” However, I don’t think it is as clear cut as that. Spiritual fruit, a changed heart and life sometimes just sneak up on a person without them quite knowing what has happened. Some time next year you will find yourself doing something “in the spirit” that in the past was total flesh, and you will think, “Hmmm God has really changed that in me.” Or you will find yourself compassionate towards someone and able to walk out the hands and feet of Jesus in a way that you never were able to before. Again, you will think, “hmm God has really given me compassion in this area.” And so on. These times of suffering are creating spiritual depth and spiritual fruit in both you and Dolly’s lives. Yet, spiritual fruit isn’t nearly as blatantly obvious as fleshly accomplishments. When I led the mission trips to Mexico from Northway everyone patted me on the back and congratulated me on all that I had done. It was a measurable success, yet the things that God has changed in my heart have been much more dramatic yet much more hidden, even sometimes hidden to me and to those around me. The fruit of suffering is there but it is a subtle fruit that doesn’t draw attention to itself. It’s something that is much more valuable than human accomplishment but it doesn’t flash itself around like human accomplishment will do. Spiritual fruit draws attention to the spirit, which of course in turn draws attention away from our human flesh so that many times we don’t even see how much we’ve changed but are so focused on God that we miss the great work that he has done within us.
Rest assured Jim and Dolly that God is working deeply within both of you. Sure, this may not have been the picture perfect time to focus on God, read his word, and pray but that isn’t any indication at all of what is going on deep within your spirit. God is at work. He is changing, molding, and putting deep things into your spirit. I think the “word” that God would have you both to hear is to trust God’s process, even when it doesn’t “feel” like a spiritual process. Most spiritual processes don’t really feel like we think that they should. But as long as our hearts are inclined towards God he is at work within us in a great and mighty way. Trust him and rest in his promises to complete his good work within you both!
We love you! I don’t know how many times that Nathaniel or Bethany will just pray for you both “out of the blue” separate from their regular prayer time. You are both on our hearts and minds continually!
Rachel and family
Doesn't EVERYONE need a friend like Rachel?
I know I do.
We've been friends, for what, 14 years? We probably spent 1 months worth of time physically together. Most of our relationship has been long distance. We've loved each other deeply, fought like cats and dogs at other times, encouraged each other, taught each other, and mainly....given each other carpel tunnel syndrom....lol.
Pound for pound, my dear, loyal, loving, WISE friend speaks to my heart like no one else. (Doesn't mean you other friends aren't special too, but come on...Rach opens mouth, and out drips pure wisdom...except for when we're fighting like cats and dogs (not really, but it makes interesting prose.
You're the best. Thanks friend.
Love Dolly (Gloria)
I am truely touched by the wonderful writings over the pass couple of days. The Love of our Lord Jesus is surely seen thru out these writings. I am not a writer of words as much as I would love to be it just doesn't happen, not one for poetry either, isn't that right sister? LOL. I would like to thank everyone who's been helping out in whatever way for Jim and Dolly. You all have been a blessing in their lives, as they are in mine. I love you both.
That's right sister. In fact, everyone, here's an example of Sister's poetry.
Jumbo is really sick.
The rattle in his chest sounds like a crick..it.
I will make him chicken broth so he'll feel better.
I want him to enjoy this nice weather.
LOL. Serious, huh Johnny? Come on, everyone who has ever heard my sister rhyme, nod their heads yes.
Want to hear her hum???
lol
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