Wow

I thought of updating and realized I didn't have anything to add, but then thought again. It's amazing how the definition of "better" is so relative to our circumstances. Jim's doing "better." He was able to stand and make a salad today. The rest of the day was in bed or sitting, reading. Tomorrow, he will rest all day in hopes that he will be able to sit at the Seder meal at our church. That's a whole 3 hours. I'm not mocking him or his "better," it's just that I wonder why I'm a bit down today and it dawns on me that the last few days of Jim's "better" before the next Chemo isn't really fulfilling. I'm glad for him, and I wouldn't change it for the world, but, I am tired, bored, lonely and angry that there is not one thing that I can do to change Jim's health and make him feel more "better." ...AND FOR THE LIFE OF ME, LET'S PLEASE NOT TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER IN PITTSBURGH. I am so sick of this place, as I sit here another year reading e-mails from my friend in Colorado, the land of eternal sunshine (no offense at all Rach, just sick of gray).

I got my fourth wedding shower invitation in the mail for this year and am sad that I might miss this one, too. I would actually LIKE to go....which is odd because I have about 4 to 6 a year, not counting on average 3 weddings and high school graduations. So, to be "desiring" to go to a shower...well...I must need a shrink.

I talked to a nurse at the assisted living center on Tuesday, where we pay large amounts of money for my father to live (my only day out of the week...yippee...thank goodness that my bible study preceeded it or I would really be down) and her son had same thing Jim had when he was 17. She said it never came back and he's doing good, but he still has side effects. I asked her like what and she said that he basically feels like he always has the flu. She said he sleeps alot and is tired alot. I said, "How long ago was that?" She said, "He had it when he was 17. He's 25 now." Gulp!!!

Let's see. My dad still has a very itchy rash on his legs that he got from the scabbies that he got from the assisted living center. The weekend staff didn't apply his anti-itch cream. So Monday, his legs were so itchy, he put toothpaste all over them. Tuesday, while my sister and I visited him, we walked in on him putting shampoo all over his legs. This really inflamed him, and she got him in the shower, while I ran and got his special soap. She washed him with his sock, because we couldn't find staff for a washrag. I looked for staff, picked up a bag of poopie clothes laying in the middle of his room, rearranged his furniture, again, tried to get the administration because of another medication mess-up, blah blah blah. Who knows what my poor dear dad went through today. I didn't have the heart to call and hear about it.

I guess I'm trying to explain why I'm not doing cartwheels about Jim's "better." I know that Monday (chemo) is coming, and it will start all over again, and by the time he's "better" from that my dad will have decided it's time to put the preparation H all over his legs.

Hurry....someone call the waaaaaa waaaaaaaaa waaaaambulance. Wow, I haven't used that one in a long time.

Gloria