I think I am seeing something.
My heart is so broken for my husband. I watch him walk differently and see what the neuropathy is doing to him. I see the internal struggle he has that he can't do things for me around the house to releave my stress, and yet I see him enjoy doing things in the kitchen, happy to be alive. And yet, my heart just is broken for him.
On a sunny day, I am out in the yard gardening, and he stands on the porch under the awning hiding from the sun that can hurt him so badly, watching me with yearning on his face. I guess I will need to come to terms with this.
My first thought is, "I'm so glad that he's alive" and we fought hard. But then I think. "He could be dancing on streets paved in gold and not having to go through all this pain. He has suffered so much and continues to do so, and I feel guilty because I know he fought for me, and I'm glad he did. But now he has to pay for it.
As for me, hopefully someday soon, I will get more sleep at night. It's 1:45, and wondering what I'll be doing next.
5 comments:
Good morning guys, I hope You are well. Our lives have been crazy, not a minute to myself the last week but nice so not complaining. I spent last Tues. with my Alex swimming and playing at Wheeling Park. I feel like the world slows down and we both are little. -I spent Tues. pm and Wed. cleaning my house to get ready for house guests and boy did we have them. Tempe Brown, our speaker from Greenville, SC. stayed with me and our Christian Wm's Club monthly outreach was Thurs. pm. My sis Lisa came. Yeah!! Tempe was fun and so interesting. She is a terrific Jazz singer and sang a great "At Last" and several others at our dinner. She is an accomplished artist. I begged to see her portfolio and Joe , Danny and I were impressed. It takes alot to impress Dan. At this stage she went to school and learned restoration of high end art pieces and does that for a living. Cool!! She was so loving and fun. I had a blast having her here.
Friday was mom day so we did that and that night Nath and Danielle showed up . I forgot to mention Dan's girl, Kristin flew in Wed. pm. and was also here till Sun. Her parents were in for a wedding so they came here Sun. for brunch.---So it was nuts but fun.
You and Jim are never far from our minds and hearts and come up more than You would know in our conversations. We're going to be praying specifically that You'll be healthy for that Aug. cottage time we talked about. I'm sure You're dreaming of it already.
Your gardens are so beautiful. I love mine too but they aren't as extensive as what You have. I want to buy lavender Phlox. --That's all for now. I'll call soon. MJB&JB
Oh, MJ, don't buy it. I'll divide mine for you...if you can wait for the fall. You'll have to remind me.
You're week sounds like food for your soul. I think it would have killed me....lol...at least at this point in my life. At another time, I may have been jealous. :)
It's nice to know our name came up. As you know, we feel forgotten by most.
We went to Cookforest last week. It went so fast, but we had a nice time. Ellie wasn't so afraid of the bugs this year and she just ran around outside like she belonged there! I bet that's how I was there when I was her age. I feel very close to God when I'm at the mountains. I so love it there. Abbie loved it too. I hope you guys get to go to your cabin soon.
Sometimes I read your blog and I want to laugh and then other times I want to cry. I can't imagine what you're going through. I don't know what to say to comfort you. But I love you both very much. I am praying for you both daily.
I also wanted to say that when I read about Uncle Jim singing karaoke I was really moved. I wish I was there. I remember "back in the day" Uncle Jim used to play his keyboard in the basement of Grandma and Grandpap's house and sing. For some reason Lionel Ritchie songs come to mind. I just know that his voice is amazing!!!!! I think it's great that he's singing. Also every time that you've mentioned that you and him sang together a smile came to my face because I could almost hear his rich voice. What a blessing you have in him. Please don't feel guilty. He fought because he didn't want to leave you for him too. You know what I mean I hope :)
Well I love you guys and I'm praying. Be at Peace.
Love,
Judi
Hey yinz guys!
Thanks for your donation towards our trip! We raised all our funds, the passports are in, we are all prayed up, and now we just need to pack, lightly...and we are off to Mexico on Saturday.
I keep reading and praying for ya. Please pray for us as we travel and hopefully minister.
Perhaps, soonish we'll get to see you!?
Love ya,
Mary
Aunt Dolly,
I should have mentioned what a blessing he has in you too. You both are equally wonderful. Love you both.
Love,
Judi
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