Hi Everyone:
Jim went for his radiation today. The doctor was hoping that he would be feeling less pain. She's not discouraged though, so maybe Jim will get even less pain. The celebrex is still helping, so he hasn't had to up the oxy, so this is good. He is so very very weak and tired today. He spends most of his day in bed, but today, other than going out for the radiation, he feels to tired to even eat or read. He's just sleeping and sleeping.
Today I went to home depot to order and pay for 2 storm doors for the house. These will help me feel safer when Jim is in the hospital. My heart was so burdened that my dear husband was not there with me. My heart was breaking. First, we've spent many a "date night" at Home Depot, planning for present and future fix-ups around the house. After looking at wood for about an hour, I usually would sneak off to the nursery for a little fun on our "date night", pick out a plant or two that Jim could not resist buying for me. I would come back, and he would finally have the perfect piece of wood, or perfect solution all picked out. And it WAS perfect. Being there today all by myself made me feel like I used to feel when I was widowed the first time, and I would go there myself to buy duct tape for whatever scary problem I had with my old home. Duct tape was often my solution for my dilemmas. I was alone. I felt vulnerable, scared.
Anyway, my heart was so burdened while I was there without the other half of me, the one who protects me from making the wrong purchases, etc. It hinted too closely of the future, and I left crying.
And Jim is so weak it scares me, and I'm still crying.
Life is too weird. I'm driving home crying my eyes out. I can hardly see from the tears, praying for intercession in the lives of the people who have Obama/Biden signs in their yard so that God changes their heart by the day of the election. If I don't pray for them, I tend get critical of them. I hate sin. I'M SO SICK OF SIN. Soooo, sick...
Gloria
5 comments:
Uncle Jim and Aunt Dolly - you are on our hearts. Tonight is our prayer night and we will definitely be praying for you as usual. I wanted to tell you that the other night I was praying with the kids before bed and I said "Let's pray for Uncle Jim" and Alexandria (age 3) said, "We pray that you would touch him and heal him." I thought it was so cute. I guess I've prayed that quite a bit lately with them! We love you - you're constantly in our thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Joshua and Bonny
Thanks Guys:
There are so many little ones praying for Jim. We just love it. She is so beautiful inside and out, at the age of 3. All of you are, and we love you.
Gloria,
I know the range of emotions - sadness, loneliness..leaving a store and crying and driving home--in a different way, but almost the same. I am not afraid of your tears--call me anytime and I will go with you..anywhere you would like to go-big errands or small or just someone to help you make a decision that used to be our husbands and now has become ours. Duct tape works sometimes, but not always. I have learned alot being on my own and what I can't help you fix, we will figure it out together or find someone who does. I want you to feel safe. I remember "pre-mourning" death and it is gut-wrenching and hope- depleting. I will tell you something that always brought me comfort. When I felt like I couldn't take another minute, I would wrap my arms around myself and close my eyes. In that moment I imagined being wrapped in the loving, strong, faithful, merciful arms of my Father. I told myself the truth of His Word (any verses that I had ever memorized)and soon, I was able to relax and sleep or feel peace. Even when family and friends are not there, your Father never leaves. I will pray that He comforts you to sleep at night and kisses your eyes open in the morning. E-mail me at church and I will give you my cell phone for whenever you need someone to tell you that you are loved and will be okay. I sleep with my phone, so it is always on.
Love, Kim
Dear Gloria:
When I read your post, this scripture came to mind:
But when I am afraid,
I will put my trust in you.
I praise God for what he has promised.
I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?
What can mere mortals do to me?
They are always twisting what I say; they spend their days plotting to harm me.
They come together to spy on me—
watching my every step, eager to kill me.
Don’t let them get away with their wickedness;
in your anger, O God, bring them down.
You keep track of all my sorrows.*
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
I could completely relate to your experience at Home Depot. I went into the store to buy paint the other day and felt the same way when Sam wasn't with me. I used to do the same thing you did - head for the garden center while he got lost in one of the isles cyphering.
Praying for you.
By the way, that was from Psalm 56
Post a Comment