Answer to questions

Kristen, we hear you. I miss you.

Actually, Judi, Jim all of a sudden isn't feeling so well. We think the new tumor on his spine is hitting his nerves, because his hip and knee are giving out. Also, his one eye is dilated, and the other is not. He is very tired and exhausted. And I am too. God has given me a terrific level of stamina, and I truly do not believe that anyone could have done what I have done the last 2 days, but I have to tell you, I'm angry at it, also. I AM BEAT. If I had a gun, and Johanna Budwig were not dead, she would be now. This diet is absolutely rediculous and is ruining our lives, just as much as the cancer is, in my honest opinion.

The sodium stuff, is an alternative medicine that is supposed to "cure" cancer, based on the "fact" that it is a very good cure of malaria in Africa. Based on how Jim is feeling now and looking now, I would say it is not working. Yes, it has burned a lot of his skin, but it's getting better now, too. That was from rubbing it into the skin. But now he is drinking it in juice, and he's not feeling good. Now, they say, that could be evidence that it is hitting the cancer, but you know what? I'm sick of it all. Period. I think all of it is a happy bunch of horse ship, and I'm tired. I just got done cleaning the juicer and the other juicer, and there is "healthy" sauce on the stove, despite Jim is not supposed to eat much cooked food, but he's sick of the flax oil, cottage cheese stuff, and blah blah blah.

So, Judi, thanks for your prayers for the wisdom, because we need them.

I found a place for my dad today, after 2 days. It costs double of the place that dumped him, and he will run out of money probably after a year, and then who knows what. Not going there. So, thanks for asking about that the other day.

Joe, and Erika, yeah, we agree with you. It's not promising. The bottom line is this.

Jim has a very VERY VERY aggressive form of T cell NHL. It usually responds well to Chemo. BUT when it doesn't, percentages are pathetic, and the response that one does get usually lasts a few months to a few years.

Bottom line is we need a miracle. God has to heal him. And all this other stuff, alternative or conventional is a flash in the pan. And in the meantime, I feel like it's stealing what little time I have with my husband. I mean, I guess it isn't, if he's still alive. And we did have fun for a few days up the cottage. But there is a high price to pay for it. I don't know.

I would love to go to dinner with my husband and lay in bed with him and talk. But noooooooooo, we're too busy rubbing on ointments, or juicing, or drinking ointments, or getting chemo, or puking from chemo, or.... and yet to not do any of those things and to go to one dinner and lay on the bed talking is tantamount to a death wish, whether we're trusting in chemo, alternative or God.

So we keep doing and doing and doing. Tomorrow, we got to the doc, and then we go to the wine store to buy bins, so that we can make our own sauerkraut for the budwig diet. Cut cabbage all day, clean all day, and don't forget the juicing in between, oh, and drink the sodium Chlorite... and by the time we're all done with this, Jim's cancer will probably take me with him, cause I won't have nothing left. But guess what. IMHO, that would be a good thing.

Adios folks from both of us

Sorry for the sarcasm, the skepticism, the realism, or whatever type of ism or asm it is. I'm tired, and I have NO ANSWERS.

But I do love you all. And I wish it were different. And I wish it wasn't 10:40 and I wasn't crying, and I didn't have to put my dad in a home so far away from me, and that I didn't have to fill out 50 papers tomorrow and that I didn't need surgery on my gland, and/or that I could get the surgery cause it's really hurting, and that my husband wasn't laying in bed wearing himself out trying anything that could possible take this cancer away.

I'm so sick of the word. I'm sick to death of it.

I'll let you know tomorrow if all this ranting and raving made me feel better. Thanks for listening.

Me, standing in for Us