Well, that "feeling" passed, and he's still alive. I guess you know that. :)
We made it to the cottage, but it was hard on Jim. But at least we made it up. Rio loved it. This week, I went up w/ Rio, my sister and Cory and Christa. It was hard work on my part. We broke down on the way home and the van is finally finished. Now I have no way of getting Jim back up there should he want to go. I was so exhausted and more overwhelmed that I just prayed out, "Lord, what is going on w/ me? I don't understand. Help me to understand." So a friend had the perfect answer. Bottom line is after 7 years of giving, and not having a respite, I'm just plain tuckered out. So, I will be changing some of the way I do things. Not sure what that will look like.
I've been thinking about moving up to the cottage lately. The taxes are cheaper. Stuff is getting so expensive and it just keeps getting harder to stay in the house and there is so much that needs done and...we just can't afford it here anymore either. But to move local would just be a sideways move, unless I went back to the northside, which is why I thought about moving up the cottage. But when I think about that, I just get overwhelmed.
But that is just where I sit. In overwhelmedville. My livingroom is in tatters from the ceiling falling down, the van is gone and I have no way of getting Jim anywhere comfortably, I'm depressed, we're broke, I'm overworked, (underpaid) and I don't even know how to interact w/ people any more.
Here's an example.
I go to church. I want to hide. Why? Because people say, "how is Jim?" My thought is why don't you call him and find out. But if they call and do talk to Jim, Jim either has to lie and say, "I'm fine." Or it turns into him telling them how horrible it all is, and that's just a gripe session. The same as this blog. I can say, "God is good, and He is." I can say that I am amazed at what he is doing deep down within me, and I am. But it is hard, I am tired, and the hardness it just constantly. And no one gets it. No one. And I'm glad you don't get it. I wouldn't want anyone to live through this. But after 7 years, it's not getting easier and I feel like my updates are nothing but another big batch of bad news. So, I think I need to be done here. Rehashing hard stuff constantly is not a healthy thing for me, and it just allows people in on my pain, and I think this is just more of a personal place for me these days.
So, Gary...LOL. THAT MEANS YOU WILL HAVE TO CALL ME MORE. What other "rare" disease do you have? Not nice of you posting and not telling.
